Diary of a Sentimental Heart: Part 10.

how many versions of yourself do you try on after a break up?

I had grand ambitions to try and make my own collaged paper doll for this post using my own images but due to my lack of technical ability (and wanting to get this post out this side of the century) you’ll have to use your imagination

I think one of the most curious things about dating after being in a long term relationship is the ability to try on different versions of yourself and see what fits. I don’t mean this in a mad completely-new-person jazz hands way, but, y’know- being someone who might like to drink wine and listen to Radiohead finally? Stay out past 9pm and go for sushi for dinner? There’s a certain excitement that comes with trying new things and not feeling like you’re doing a complete 180 on yourself. Realising you’re allowed to exist outside of a set of expectations, self imposed or expected from others (even if admittedly I still don’t drink wine and still won’t give Thom Yorke more than 4 minutes of my time in one go). But that’s besides the point!

After accidentally (but willingly) losing parts of myself to the newfound job of parenting, which untethers parts of you you had no idea could drift, and the dramatic shift in self that becoming a mother presents- it was safe to say that the idea of presenting myself to potential suitors (sorry, who am I? Lady Purvis off to a date!) felt like a bit of a mammoth task. Plus, when you’ve been with someone so long and everything is so closely entwined it’s easy to loose sight of what is circumstantial, what is them and what is you. Who was this woman about to download Hinge?! Although I did have the imperative breakup haircut (which, admittedly was little more than a very very overdue trim), it wasn’t quite the fix I was hoping for.