Diary of a Sentimental Heart: Part 8.

on managing my own expectation vs. reality of, erm, life (sounds existential but I promise it's all fine, baby!) and A GOOD DATE!

me waiting for my very own John Hannah last year, apparently!

One of the things that happens after a break up is you start looking at your life through a pair of ill fitting sliding-doors-style glasses. The ‘what if’s’, ‘should I have’s’ and ‘I wonder if I had done this differently…’ all come into play and you can’t help but view your life like a series of Choose Your Own Adventure books, going back to view all possible endings with every ending slightly tweaked from the last- keeping in mind what you know now, your new Adult Refreshed Perspective and Oh! How You Have Grown.

Because even when you know something is for the best or the right reasons- a bit like a jacket that might not completely fit perfectly anymore (despite how fondly you think of it)- you can’t help but think about all the outfits it would look so good with, even though it’s time to think about jackets new (I think this metaphor has gone slightly awry here, but hopefully you understand the gist).

Anyway, this expectational thinking became abundantly more focussed a couple of years ago; magnified further by the fact I am a parent.

When you decide to start a family, you often have a very particular way you think the journey and set up will look. It’s often stitched into the fabric of our thoughts and subconsciously planned out, often for years before you even consider the decision. In recent years it looked like family weekends at the park, driving for a day out and hot chocolates on the way home, a practical family car, staycations by the sea together, perhaps a yoyo pram and oh wow look at that Charlie Crane rocker, maybe one of those too. But it was largely muddling along together as a nuclear unit, of course, naturally!